The Starting Line

Well. Whoever thought we’d be here again? Back at this starting line, the beginning of another yoga challenge.
This one is markedly different than the first one. For starters, it is not a 30 day challenge, but one that will last 25 days. My schedule these days is a bit prohibitive. Secondly, it is also a challenge that must deal with the obstacles of bad weather, holidays, and a whacky work schedule. I also look at this challenge much differently than I did the first one. I no longer feel that I need to prove anything to anyone. A daily practice is more to me about actually finding peace and progression in my yoga than it is about showing off to my friends. These are big changes, my friends. Changes that I am excited about.
I had my first class tonight.  My first class in six months. I was mentally prepared for a very challenging class, but physically prepared for anything. As a result, I was able to maintain focus, find stillness, and really push myself. Today’s class was nothing short of amazing. The peace and accomplishment that I felt after final savasana was everything that I love yoga to be. The reality that hit me when I left, however, was not. I backed into a car. Not just any car, my instructor’s car. Punched a hole right through her bumper. Fantastic, really.
But you know what? Despite the frigid weather and terrible circumstances, the feelings of anxiety, fear, and hopelessness that I would have expected  did not come. Instead, I felt a calmness. A calmness brought by a combination of God-given peace and a feeling of being centered from the yoga. What an unstoppable combination.
The next three days I will not be able to attend class, through no choice of my own. Wish me luck as I embark on my journey of three doubles to make up for it!

The Finish Line

Today is the day. Today is the wonderful finish line that I have been envisioning for the past 30 days. The day when my dues would be paid, my obligation complete, and my goal met. And those things are all true. I am finished. I accomplished what I set out to do. But now what? Every day for the past 30 days, my life was structured around yoga. Yoga silently dictated what time I would go to bed, what time my alarm would sound, what I would have for dinner. Each time I craved a cocktail, I would decline in exchange for a fresh glass of water. (after all, alcohol is dehydrating.) Each time I woke up needing a Dunkins fix, I would decline in favor of yet more water. (after all, the coffee would revisit me in class) And now that structure is gone. In a lot of ways, I wish this challenge wasn’t over. Because now, making it to class is going to be solely my decision. There will be no more posters in the studio quietly saluting my diligence, no more congratulations from fellow yogis on reaching partway through my goal. And yet, isn’t this what yoga is supposed to be? A personal practice founded on the belief that you can and will improve your own body, mind, and spirit utilizing nobody’s help but your own. And what a powerful practice that can be.
      Looking forward, I know that my journey through Yoga is far from over. While it is yet to be forseen what my practice holds in store for me, I know that I have a lot to look forward to. Right now, my body is screaming for a sabbatical, but in a few days, I know it will be begging to be back in the studio, standing upon my mat, toes and heels together, spine straight and chin up, staring at its reflection in the front mirrors once more.

Honoring your limits

Well, these past few weeks since we’ve last met have been, in a word, tumultuous. My posts have been sporadic and inconsistent, and my life has followed suit. For anyone who talked to me during my first week of this experiment, I was walking on air. My postures were developing, my focus was sharpening, and my motivation was at an all time high. Since then, things have changed. During my second week, I was tired. Exhausted, really, and sick of doing the dance every day. But I went, every day, and went through the motions. (and the accompanying emotions) The truth is, Bikram yoga is hard. Really, really hard. Not just because of the heat and the sweat and the intense stretching, but because of the time. Please tell me anyone you know who really has two hours a day to commit to anything new, much less something as physically demanding as this. I don’t know anyone, and that includes myself. But I went, each day, some days at 6 am, and all to prove to myself that I simply could. 

Week three was very difficult in that way. It seemed that every time there was a class offered, I was working. And try as I could, I often slept through my alarms and missed classes, classes that needed to be made up later in the day, the week, or the month. Week three was also difficult for other reasons. Namely, my sub-par immune system. As I sit here writing this now, my head feels 
 congested, my body achy, and my mind exhausted. I have been dealing with this for about four days now. For days that I wanted nothing more than to sleep through class, give up during triangle, and take an extralong savasana. But I haven’t. I’ve worked hard each day, honored my limits, and expanded them. 

And what have I gained through all of this? The satisfaction of knowing I set my mind to something and accomplished it. The ability to lift my entire upper body off the ground with the strength of only my lower back. Fitness. Flexibility. A narrower waist and stronger legs. What exciting changes in only 22 days!

And so tonight, I will once again venture out to my new home on Bridge Street, sweat through another class, all the while sniffling through this cold. And guess what? It will be my first double session. Wish me luck!

See you at the finish line.

Double Trouble

Ah, how wonderful it is to be able to say it: I am one quarter of the way through my challenge! And a challenge it has been, in so many such different ways than I ever expected. Sure, I knew that it would be physically demanding, but I never thought of all of the other challenges, even the ones as small as just waking up to an alarm clock to make it to class. And so I adapt to the difficulties and overcome them. What an empowering feeling! 
    And to contrast said empowerment is doubt. Due to some unfortunate circumstances (a class so full I was turned away and pre-existing plans) I will have to due two doubles before the end of the month. Talk about double trouble. Before last monday, I’d never so much as exceeded two classes in two days, let alone two classes in one day! Pubali offered me the luxury of an extra day, but I cannot do that. I have worked too hard, sweated too much, and come too far to do a “fake 30 day challenge.” And so now, the challenge is when to do a double. When will I have the strength? When will I have the time? Hopefully, tomorrow.
   See you at the finish line,

Amelia

PS: How crazy is it that in three more classes, I will be one-third of the way there?!

Stillness in the posture. Stillness not in the posture.

This week has been a week of firsts. First time doing Bikram more than two days in a row, first time doing a morning class, and first time needing to take a knee. My first five days have been, in a word, tumultuous. On Monday I was fired up – ready to go. I wasn’t yet sure of what I was getting myself into, but I’ll admit, after surrendering the $70 for a month of unlimited, I felt pretty committed. After class, all of those familiar post-Bikram feelings came back. I’m not built for this. I’m not strong enough for this. I get too dizzy. I could think of a million reasons why I shouldn’t do it – but upon further analysis, I realized that they were all surface concerns – financial, timely, physical. All things that could be overcome. All things that I wanted to overcome. And so I did it, pen to paper, I signed up for the Bikram Yoga Manchester 30 day challenge. The thought of having 29 more classes to go was daunting, but I’d already paid the $70. And with my current bank account, that’s as good as a blood oath. 
     The next day’s class was pretty routine. After all, it wasn’t the first time I’d done two in a row. I experienced all that I anticipated: soreness, dizziness, a little bit less focus. But on the whole, I felt pretty good.
    Day three was not so comfortable. 9:30 am marked the start of my third class. I went to class entirely unprepared. I was unhydrated, unfed, and unrested. To put it simply, class sucked. I was weak, dizzy, shaky – basically all the things you hope you won’t be during a class. After about 6 sets of postures, I took a knee. My instructors always urge us to “honor our limits,” but as I took a knee amidst a sea of Balancing Sticks, I felt like a complete failure. A completely tired, sore, and weak failure, that is. After class, I talked to Pubali, my instructor, and she reminded me that every day your yoga will be different. Some days it will be the yoga of form, some days it will be the yoga of disciple, focus, strength, etc. But sometimes, it will be the yoga of honoring your body and shutting down your ego. She also suggested a few nutritional tweaks such as adding electrolytes and maintaining my blood sugar during class. I left the studio that day feeling satisfied. After all, I had just completed my first three day stretch of Bikram. And I was 1/10 of the way there. 
     The next two days were amazing. Whether it was because of my conversation with Pubali or the added sugar and salt in my diet, class seemed to fly by. While the 26 postures were still a challenge (they always will be), I found something I had lacked in my previous yoga experiences: stillness. Upon to urging of my instructor, Maeghan, I sought “stillness in the postures and stillness not in the postures.” She promised that this stillness would lead to an ease of the practice through a steadied heart rate, more constant blood flow, and a calmed mind. She was right. Instead of constantly assuring that my face as wiped, I let it be. Instead of smoothing the wrinkles of out my towel, I let it be. Instead of fidgeting with my top, I let it be. You get the point. I pursued stillness. For days four and five, stillness was my yoga. 

Who knows what day six will bring. 

See you at the finish line. 

Amelia

“Why the hell would you do that to yourself?”

There are a lot of words that I use to describe myself. Student. Writer. Sister. Daughter. Friend. Employee. The list goes on. However long that list may be, there is one word you certainly won’t find on it: Yogi. For those of you who know me, you know that I “do yoga.” Not often, not religiously. Just when I feel like it. I “do” yoga. I do not “practice” yoga. I want that to change.
 
Over the past three years, I have had the extraordinary opportunity to do something that I believe most people never  do: I have met myself. It sounds strange, but through a series of challenges and setbacks, difficulties and heartbreaks, I have had the opportunity to find out part of who I believe I really am. Not all of who I am, but part of it. Now I want to find out what I can do. For years, my life has been defined my academia and not much else. For twelve years of my life, all that mattered was the final outcome: the piece of paper issued four times per year that told me how good I was. Though I look back on those years fondly, it was never about the “journey” – it was always about the destination. As a result of that mindset, I don’t believe that I ever truly enjoyed life as a process. And if life isn’t meant to be enjoyed as a process, these next 70-some-odd years are going to go by very slowly. 

That brings us to now. At nineteen years old, I have completed my first year of college. Throughout the past year, through a process of growing and learning, I have continued to “meet myself.” Honestly, I’m disappointed. While I have done everything that a girl of 19 “should do,” I haven’t done much else.  How lame. While I have never been overweight – I have also never been in shape, something that I have spent the better part of my life blaming on lack of coordination. At 19, I know that my body will probably never be as healthy or as capable again, and I intend to take advantage of it. Hence, the 30 day challenge. 30 Bikram yoga classes in 30 days. 30 hot, sweaty, sore, tired days. Bring it on. 

As I have prepared mentally for the challenge, I have told several of my friends and family of what I am about to do. The most common response? “Why the hell would you do that to yourself?” The answer?
1. I want to challenge myself physically and mentally. I want to know what I’m capable of. I want to know how far I can go. 
2. I want to improve my overall health and well-being. 
3. I want to work hard and see work’s inherent benefits. 
4. I want to lose weight. (Hey, you didn’t think this was all philosophical, did you?) 
5. I want something to focus on. I want to improve said focus. 
6. I want to come to a place in my practice where I can forget the heat, the sweat, and the aches and pains. 
7. I want to learn the art of stillness. 
8. I want to know my body better, feed it well, and thank it often. 
9. I want to improve my self-discipline. 
10. I want to know I can do this. 

See you at the finish line. 

Amelia.