Stillness in the posture. Stillness not in the posture.
June 6, 2009
This week has been a week of firsts. First time doing Bikram more than two days in a row, first time doing a morning class, and first time needing to take a knee. My first five days have been, in a word, tumultuous. On Monday I was fired up – ready to go. I wasn’t yet sure of what I was getting myself into, but I’ll admit, after surrendering the $70 for a month of unlimited, I felt pretty committed. After class, all of those familiar post-Bikram feelings came back. I’m not built for this. I’m not strong enough for this. I get too dizzy. I could think of a million reasons why I shouldn’t do it – but upon further analysis, I realized that they were all surface concerns – financial, timely, physical. All things that could be overcome. All things that I wanted to overcome. And so I did it, pen to paper, I signed up for the Bikram Yoga Manchester 30 day challenge. The thought of having 29 more classes to go was daunting, but I’d already paid the $70. And with my current bank account, that’s as good as a blood oath.
The next day’s class was pretty routine. After all, it wasn’t the first time I’d done two in a row. I experienced all that I anticipated: soreness, dizziness, a little bit less focus. But on the whole, I felt pretty good.
Day three was not so comfortable. 9:30 am marked the start of my third class. I went to class entirely unprepared. I was unhydrated, unfed, and unrested. To put it simply, class sucked. I was weak, dizzy, shaky – basically all the things you hope you won’t be during a class. After about 6 sets of postures, I took a knee. My instructors always urge us to “honor our limits,” but as I took a knee amidst a sea of Balancing Sticks, I felt like a complete failure. A completely tired, sore, and weak failure, that is. After class, I talked to Pubali, my instructor, and she reminded me that every day your yoga will be different. Some days it will be the yoga of form, some days it will be the yoga of disciple, focus, strength, etc. But sometimes, it will be the yoga of honoring your body and shutting down your ego. She also suggested a few nutritional tweaks such as adding electrolytes and maintaining my blood sugar during class. I left the studio that day feeling satisfied. After all, I had just completed my first three day stretch of Bikram. And I was 1/10 of the way there.
The next two days were amazing. Whether it was because of my conversation with Pubali or the added sugar and salt in my diet, class seemed to fly by. While the 26 postures were still a challenge (they always will be), I found something I had lacked in my previous yoga experiences: stillness. Upon to urging of my instructor, Maeghan, I sought “stillness in the postures and stillness not in the postures.” She promised that this stillness would lead to an ease of the practice through a steadied heart rate, more constant blood flow, and a calmed mind. She was right. Instead of constantly assuring that my face as wiped, I let it be. Instead of smoothing the wrinkles of out my towel, I let it be. Instead of fidgeting with my top, I let it be. You get the point. I pursued stillness. For days four and five, stillness was my yoga.
Who knows what day six will bring.
See you at the finish line.
Amelia
